losthunter (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
losthunter) wrote2018-09-03 02:00 pm
losthunter) wrote2018-09-03 02:00 pm
Entry tags:
Saying goodbye to a father he never knew
Hunter spent two days traveling up the coastline of Lake Michigan on his bike, traveling from the Indiana Dunes to the Sleeping Bear Dunes. It was here, that he explored the high dunes and the spectacular views across the lake. And Zunar found several new playmates --lizards -- to chase down.
It was here, that Hunter explored a deserted lighthouse, climbing to the top. Zunar following him, bounding up two steps at a time. And he leaned over the railing of the outer balcony of the lighthouse, looking out to the Great Lake itself. The sun was setting, casting beautiful colors of reds, oranges, and yellows over the greenish-blue hue of Lake Michigan.
From his backpack, Hunter pulls out a photo of his dad. Robert Kingson.
With a chirp, Zunar pounces up to the railing, where he had enough room to settle under Hunter's chin and purred loudly. Hunter stared down at the photo in his hand.
"I never really said goodbye." He speaks to the photo.
"And really, I guess I was still in disbelief. We were just reconnecting again. And in a moment you were gone. And there was nothing I could do to change how we left things."
"Growing up in your house... I never felt like I was a son you were proud of. To this day I don't know if I made you proud ever. And now that I look like the son you had mentored to be your legacy... I feel even further apart from you than ever. Like I am back to that big empty house, just wanting a dad."
"When you pushed me away, because of how the magic changed my appearance, I felt so alone in my world. You were not there when I had the revelation that looks don't matter. You were not there when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. You were not even there when I found my artistic talent."
"And now you are gone... I wish you were here every day." Hunter felt tears in his eyes.
"I am going to wish you were there the day my art goes on a state-wide tour. I am going to wish you were there when the Foundation opens new branches across the nation. I am going to wish you were there if I get married. I am always going to wish you were back in my life. That we could have had that great father-son relationship that I felt we were finally reaching."
"I hope that maybe... that now you are proud of me." Hunter folds the photo up into a little paper crane. And then lifts it into the air, letting the wind catch the photo and carry it over the lake. "Bye dad."
It was here, that Hunter explored a deserted lighthouse, climbing to the top. Zunar following him, bounding up two steps at a time. And he leaned over the railing of the outer balcony of the lighthouse, looking out to the Great Lake itself. The sun was setting, casting beautiful colors of reds, oranges, and yellows over the greenish-blue hue of Lake Michigan.
From his backpack, Hunter pulls out a photo of his dad. Robert Kingson.
With a chirp, Zunar pounces up to the railing, where he had enough room to settle under Hunter's chin and purred loudly. Hunter stared down at the photo in his hand.
"I never really said goodbye." He speaks to the photo.
"And really, I guess I was still in disbelief. We were just reconnecting again. And in a moment you were gone. And there was nothing I could do to change how we left things."
"Growing up in your house... I never felt like I was a son you were proud of. To this day I don't know if I made you proud ever. And now that I look like the son you had mentored to be your legacy... I feel even further apart from you than ever. Like I am back to that big empty house, just wanting a dad."
"When you pushed me away, because of how the magic changed my appearance, I felt so alone in my world. You were not there when I had the revelation that looks don't matter. You were not there when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. You were not even there when I found my artistic talent."
"And now you are gone... I wish you were here every day." Hunter felt tears in his eyes.
"I am going to wish you were there the day my art goes on a state-wide tour. I am going to wish you were there when the Foundation opens new branches across the nation. I am going to wish you were there if I get married. I am always going to wish you were back in my life. That we could have had that great father-son relationship that I felt we were finally reaching."
"I hope that maybe... that now you are proud of me." Hunter folds the photo up into a little paper crane. And then lifts it into the air, letting the wind catch the photo and carry it over the lake. "Bye dad."