losthunter | Time Alone to Seek Solace

In the garden of my life — you stand out amongst the flowers.

Hunter felt a lot more collected when he woke up the two days after his panic attack. He had stayed in the tent for a full day, just taking time for himself. And was comforted throughout the time by the presence of the Kneazle, who was constantly at his side. He chuckled a little when he awoke today, running his fingers through Zunar's fur.

He did not spend a lot of time reflecting on what had happened the night before right away. Instead, he packed up his belongings. Purchased a motorcycle bike carrier for Zunar to ride in. And then headed off four hours to Indiana Dunes, the next step on his National Parks tour.

He booked a tent spot at the Sand Creek Campground. And spent the day exploring the beaches, with the Kneazle at his side. It was a perfect time for him to collect his thoughts, now that he was no longer as emotional as before.

He carried the alien flower in his hands as he walked along one of the beaches, his fingers tracing the petals of the gift sent to him by Jim. Zunar was exploring tall grass nearby, trying to track a cricket that he had spotted. The Kneazle was a bundle of energy with all the new smells and sights around him. But also made sure that he stayed within sight of Hunter the whole walk.

It was nearing night time, and the stars were coming up. Luckily, Hunter had reached his campsite and was able to start a fire, before he lost too much daylight.

He leaned back in one of the beach chairs located by the fire pit, watching the flames dance into the night sky. An ember rising up into the darkness, bringing Hunter's eyes to the stars. His thoughts went to Jim.

Immediately, Zunar jumped up and settled in Hunter's lap, as if the Kneazle knew who was on Hunter's mind. And as ridiculous as it sounds, it helped for Hunter to talk to the feline.

"I didn't think it would be this hard. Having this distance between us." Zunar looks up at Hunter with his bright eyes. And Hunter can almost picture sharing his fears with Jim himself, and his beautiful bright blue eyes.

"And it would be selfish of me to expect to be the first person on his mind... especially when he is responsible for the lives of 500 others." Hunter draws his hands through Zunar's fur. "I guess... I just want to know that he does think about me. Sometimes."

"Because I can't stop thinking about him. Or missing him."

"And I know that it was only a few months ago when we officially started calling each other boyfriend... but I just can't picture a future without him in my life."

"I should have followed my heart, instead of listening to my fear. I should have proposed to him." Hunter takes a sharp breath admitting it to himself. To Zunar.

His eyes went back up to the stars. "I can't say those words now. Not... not when I am not myself. Fuck Zunar... I don't know what I am going to do. I don't want to lose him."

Zunar had no answers for Hunter. Just more purring and comfort. Hunter just lets the sounds of nature and the crackling of the fire fill the silence. It was one of those question that just didn't have an answer right now. And Hunter knew he had to just accept that.