Thorn in the Garden of Life

[losthunter]

Hunter paced his apartment, his phone in one hand, and a list of phone numbers in his other hand. He just got off the phone with Marcus, one of the six other people who had been given a gift by Kendra. And had learned that Marcus had been attacked by Austin.

Luckily, Marcus was able to get away, without any major side effects.

But Hunter was now worried about the others. And so he was making calls to everyone else who he had talked to, and warned them about Austin so they could stay safe.

And he knew it was time to face Austin again. But even though he felt like it was an emergency, Hunter knew that it would be better to make sure someone else came with him. He also knew exactly who he wanted to have by his side.

Jim. Austin attacked another person. I feel like I need to deal with this. Are you available to come with me?

Comments

[losthunter]

Hunter's eyes soften a little when Jim says he doesn't want to be alone tonight. The timer dings, so he takes a moment to take the casserole out of the stove, so it won't burn. It can use a few moments to cool.

"Then stay tonight. You will be able to have a real bath, or shower, since you don't need to wear the jacket anymore. And I will still get Hermione to remove her spells, so we can get your knife and phaser back."

"And..." Hunter shrugs his shoulders. "I know I would feel better just being to hold you tonight."

[boldygoing]

"I don't think I'm going to sleep well," Jim admits, figuring it's fair warning. He can't imagine either of them is going to be completely settled tonight. But at least it's normal nightmares, instead of the curse.

[losthunter]

"I still want to provide you that security. That comfort." Hunter understands more about why Jim has the nightmares every night. He can only hope that maybe some day, just by giving Jim love and support, that the nightmares might fade some day.

[boldygoing]

"I appreciate that." Jim can be honest in his response, and though he wouldn't reach out before, he does now, hugging Hunter. "Thanks for sticking with me through all that shit." He can't imagine how terrifying it would have been to deal with it by himself, and he knows he hasn't been easy to deal with over the past day.

[losthunter]

That hug seems to make Hunter relax a little. He still feels tense and angry that Jim was affected by the curse. But he can at least be reassured that their relationship wasn't broken because of it.

"Of course." Hunter breathes. "I always want to be here, to help you deal with the shit in your life."

"Just like how you have been there for me."

[boldygoing]

"Sure," Jim says, managing a smile that he doesn't completely feel. "Let's agree never to do this again though."

[losthunter]

Hunter smiles, in a similar fashion. It doesn't feel real. Especially since he is already thinking to himself about how Jim is never ever going to get close to Austin again, if he can help it. He would do anything to protect Jim.

"Ready for supper? It should be cool enough now."

[boldygoing]

"Sure. It smells good." Jim hesitates, before shrugging off the jacket, freeing up his arms a little. There's still a part of him that worries maybe the curse isn't entirely broken, that removing the jacket will somehow bring back the flashbacks even worse than before. But it's an irrational fear and he knows it.

He drapes the jacket across the back of a chair, leaving it nearby. Just in case.

But it's nice to be unrestrained by it again, anyway.

"We get to use forks this time, right?" he adds, trying to add at least a little levity to the situation.

[losthunter]

"We do..." Hunter sets out two forks, one for each of them. They won't be able to use the knives until Hermione shows up to disable her spells.

[boldygoing]

Everything feels... slightly weird, as they eat dinner together. Somehow, it was maybe a little easier to know that Hunter was getting glimpses of Jim's past without them having to talk about it, but now that that's over... all he has are words. And somehow words just don't seem enough.

Doesn't mean they can't try, though.

"I stopped keeping kosher after Tarsus," Jim says, after several minutes of silence. "It just... didn't seem to matter anymore."

[losthunter]

"In a way, you are still a little kosher. When you have a choice of what you would like to eat... you voice that preference."

"And I know that somethings you struggle with your desire to make sure no food is wasted. That it is something you can't even explain to your crew. That you worry about how people view you."

[boldygoing]

It's not really the same thing, but Jim appreciates what Hunter is trying to do.

"Even Bones doesn't really know," he agrees quietly. "He's got my medical records, but that part's classified, and after I... left... I kinda dropped off the radar for a while."

[losthunter]

"Well, you have me to talk to now. About anything." Hunter reaches out with one hand to place it on top of one of Jim's.

"You are not alone in this."

[boldygoing]

"I appreciate that."

Jim isn't sure how much of the story he wants to tell just yet. He's spent years keeping it bottled up - on orders, or because he doesn't want others to look at him differently, or because he just plain doesn't like to remember it happened at all - so trying to talk about it just doesn't come naturally to him.

Mentioning things related to it... maybe that's a little easier than the events themselves. "It's just... this is what finished tearing my family apart."

[losthunter]

"Because you were unable to tell your mother about what happened?" Hunter assumes. "Was it her sister, or your dad's sister, that died protecting you?"

[boldygoing]

Jim, however, shakes his head. "They knew where I was. Starfleet couldn't hide that from them, and I was too fucked up to pretend otherwise. Sam had already run away, and Mom never really got over what happened to Dad, so finding out her sister had been executed and I went through hell... she kinda freaked out. Couldn't handle it." Right when he needed her most, she was dealing with her own shit. Now that Jim's an adult, he understands and forgives her for that, but for a thirteen year old boy who spent months practically on his own... it was the last straw for Jimmy.

"My grandparents meant well, trying to pick up the pieces. That's when Grandpa Tiberius gave me his books, so I'd have something to keep me company in the hospital. My other grandparents were mourning their daughter and I guess they must've... been overcompensating, or something. The attention was... smothering. So when I got well enough to leave, I left."

[losthunter]

Hunter can't imagine how difficult of a time that must have been for 'Jimmy'. To go through hell, and feel like he was abandoned by his mother. And the people who did care for him, were too much for him to handle.

"And so you dropped off the radar."

[boldygoing]

"Yeah." Maybe someone else might pick at their food, while talking about this sort of thing, but not Jim. His motions are a little mechanical, eating his dinner on autopilot, not really savoring the flavors.

"You were upset before, when I told you I hadn't been in touch with them before Starfleet. That's why."

[losthunter]

Hunter doesn't play with his food either. But he does take his time, eating a few bites, as he contemplates his next thoughts.

"I think I was upset, because I hated that you went through family issues, like how I did. And for me, it sucked that you were unable to connect with your grandparents. Or that you don't know where your brother is."

"I don't even have any memories of my grandparents. I don't know who they are. Or even if they are still alive."

"My dad never bothered making family connections. I didn't even know where my mother was buried, until I was an adult."

"And I guess... I just wish I could make things better for you. Because I know that it is impossible to do it for myself."

[boldygoing]

Jim listens to him as he speaks, and although he doesn't wish that the feeling was one that they share, he understands to an extent.

"If it helps, we've... sort of been reconnecting. Not just my mom, but my grandparents. They didn't know where I was until I enlisted."

[losthunter]

"That does help." Hunter smiles slightly. He just wants to see Jim happy.

"And I will try to not have my own insecurities reflect on things that happened in your life."

[boldygoing]

Jim manages a small smile. "I'd say the same, but I can't really get away from some of them." The most obvious of which is on the table in front of them, naturally.

[losthunter]

"We are in that same boat." Hunter once again gently squeezes Jim's hand.

[boldygoing]

"Yeah." Jim definitely appreciates the support. And the company. There are damn good reasons he doesn't go around telling people this sort of thing, personal feelings aside, but it feels oddly reassuring to know that someone else knows, no matter how long after the fact it is.

"Any other burning questions, before we call it a night?" Jim wouldn't blame him if there were. A lot of shit has happened over the last day or so, and Jim gets the impression it's been like listening to only one half of a communications channel. It hasn't only been Tarsus, too.

[losthunter]

Hunter finishes up his meal. The remainder of the un-eaten casserole gets put into Tupperware containers for later. He thinks about some of the flashbacks that Hunter had seen, from the other side.

"Nothing comes to mind."

"I just want to put this behind us."