losthunter | Thorn in the Garden of Life

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Thorn in the Garden of Life

Hunter paced his apartment, his phone in one hand, and a list of phone numbers in his other hand. He just got off the phone with Marcus, one of the six other people who had been given a gift by Kendra. And had learned that Marcus had been attacked by Austin.

Luckily, Marcus was able to get away, without any major side effects.

But Hunter was now worried about the others. And so he was making calls to everyone else who he had talked to, and warned them about Austin so they could stay safe.

And he knew it was time to face Austin again. But even though he felt like it was an emergency, Hunter knew that it would be better to make sure someone else came with him. He also knew exactly who he wanted to have by his side.

Jim. Austin attacked another person. I feel like I need to deal with this. Are you available to come with me?

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Jim nods slowly as he considers the dilemma. "Not that I want to provoke anything, but... if we get to that point, we could test it by trying to trigger me on purpose."

Hunter frowns. "That might be an option. I am not going to want to try to trigger you..."

He shrugs. "But I have a general idea of what your triggers would be."

"I'm not really crazy about it either, but it'd be the only foolproof way to know for sure." After the last day, he has no doubt that Hunter knows some of the big landmines in his past, or at least what might set them off.

Hunter reaches out to gently touch Jim's face. "This sounds like one of those no-win situations. I don't like that."

Jim is hesitant to reach back out and reciprocate, mostly out of fear that he might end up in another flashback, but after a moment, he touches Hunter's face in return and leans a little closer in support. "It's not." Though the situation is horrible, it could be a lot worse. "Austin didn't get what he wanted. All we need is time."

Hunter is grateful that this hasn't torn them apart. But he is still scared it will. So having Jim lean in closer is a comfort.

"I know."

"I love you." He whispers, placing a kiss on Jim's forehead.

Jim manages a smile, though it's hard to really mean it at the moment, amidst the frustrations and setbacks that the curse is bringing up in him. Still, he does appreciate what Hunter has done for him.

And maybe it means something that Hunter's words don't prompt any particular memories either, that Jim has rarely heard such things growing up or since then. He's always been better at showing than telling, himself. "Even when I'm acting crazy, huh?"

"I figure you need that love a little more, when you are acting crazy." Hunter teases Jim, just a little.

He might be teasing, but it's also true. "Thanks," Jim says quietly, sincerely.

Hunter finishes his meal, and starts cleaning up the dishes. He knows that the day ahead of them might feel a little longer, even though they should be closer to the end of the curse. And all they can do is try to find things that won't trigger a flashback. Or deal with the flashbacks as they come.

[if you wanted to do a quick flash-forward thread, I think that would be good. Just a general recap of the next couple of hours. And then closer to the end of the day, we can do a slow down again, when the curse has worn off]

The rest of the day has Jim unable to truly relax, with the nightmarish awakening he experienced in the morning. But he puts in the effort, finishing the painting he started yesterday with only a few minor interruptions, flashbacks to watching the stars aboard the Enterprise and an earlier memory of playing tag with Sam and some other kids from Riverside. Trying to read goes a little less smoothly, especially when he accidentally dozes off and has a vicious nightmare about Tarsus IV, waking up in such a panic that it takes Hunter a good ten minutes to calm him down.

But as the day goes on, the flashbacks become less and less frequent, and those that do happen tend to be... not necessarily good, but certainly less traumatizing.

It's not until evening rolls around and he sets the book aside to see what's available for dinner that Jim realizes he hasn't slipped into the past in at least a couple hours.

The minor interruptions were okay enough to handle. But that vicious nightmare had been concerning. Hunter knows that he and Jim have a lot to talk about, regarding Tarsus IV, when the curse is finally gone.

It was a good sign that the flashbacks were occurring less and less frequent. And Hunter too has noticed that Jim hasn't had a flashback for a couple of hours. Which means it is time to test if a memory can be triggered.

Hunter has been trying to think of a way to test Jim, to see if a memory can be triggered, without lying to him. Or being cruel. But it seems to him that the only way to do this is to pull the 'band-aid' off as quickly as possible.

"Dammit..." He stares into his fridge for a moment, his shoulders tense, but his face mostly hidden from Jim (so he can't see that this is a lie).

"Verity left me a casserole a week ago, and it is beyond it's safe-to-cook point. I'm going to have to throw it out."

His concerns about the curse are momentarily forgotten, shoved aside in favor of his more mundane kind of anxiety. Jim is a bit appalled that Hunter, of all people, would let food go to waste. "We should've had it yesterday." He doesn't even know what Hunter considers 'safe,' knowing damn well that his own standards are more flexible than most people of his own century. "There's no saving it?"

Hunter takes it as a good sign that Jim didn't go into a Tarsus IV flashback. The majority of the other flashbacks had some connection to Tarsus. And so, Hunter thinks that the curse is gone.

He lets out a breath.

"Sorry sweetheart." He holds out a perfectly fine casserole dish. And places it on the countertop, where he can heat the oven.

"I was testing to see if that would trigger a flashback."

Wait, what. It takes Jim a couple seconds to truly parse what just happened, and while there's a bite of anger in his chest for a moment - an entirely illogical and unreasonable nagging voice of I trusted you, why would you do that to me - he reminds himself that it was his own idea in the first place. His agitation dims further as he recognizes that despite his distress, about food of all things, his grasp of present events has remained firm the entire time.

But, of course, just because it hasn't provoked the curse doesn't mean he doesn't have lingering issues over the thought that any decent quantity of food has gone to waste. "So... it's fine?" he asks, wishing that his stupid brain could just accept it without having to be told.

"More than fine." Hunter reassures him. "It will be a delicious supper once it is cooked."

With the casserole in the oven, and a timer set so it won't burn, Hunter turns to face Jim. To make sure he is okay. To make sure he is not too upset.

"You didn't space out on me..."

Jim is visibly upset, but not by much. He's not mad at Hunter, particularly, especially since it was his own idea to try to trigger him that way. He just feels off-kilter still, adjusting back to his usual lingering issues from the traumas in his past instead of insane live-action flashbacks.

He folds his arms across his chest in a sort of subconscious, self-protective gesture. "You're right, I didn't."

Hunter reaches out to gently place his hand on Jim's shoulder, when he notices that self-protective gesture.

"Maybe we can try talking about some of the memories that affected you..." Hunter thinks that Jim might feel better by talking out some of his issues. "And we can see if that conversation triggers anything..."

"Just to be safe."

Jim is wary of provoking more memories, in case they're wrong, but he knows there isn't any other way to find out if the curse is finally broken or not.

But where to even start? He's had so many flashbacks, from so many parts of his life, not just Tarsus.

"Okay," he agrees, a little reluctant. "I'm sure you've got a ton of questions anyway."

Hunter sits down. They have half-hour before the casserole is cooked anyway. And he does want to know more about what Jim was dealing with, in his own memories.

"Let me know if anything is too hard to answer." He doesn't want Jim to feel pressured by this.

"Who was Tommy? Did he... did he make it?"

Sitting down... is probably a good move. Jim makes himself do the same, or else he might end up pacing around the kitchen like a caged animal. He interlaces his fingers, the pressure of his own hands on each other helping to keep him grounded, a constant reminder that he has the power here. He can decide whether he wants to answer or not. He can tell as much or as little as he wants. And Starfleet doesn't get to tell him to be silent, to not so much as hint that he wasn't there, to deny everything.

"His name is Thomas Leighton," Jim answers, a little more calmly than he'd thought he would be. Maybe it helps that they're starting with what came after. "He didn't get out in one piece, but he made it. He's a research scientist now."

"It sounded like you two went through hell." Hunter places his own hands on the countertop. Close enough for Jim to grab, if he needs support.

"What happened? How come you both had to survive on your own?"

Jim doesn't reach out, but he doesn't pull away. He needs a little physical space right now, or else he's not sure he'll be able to answer.

"We were both on the List. The... less valuable colonists. I was staying with my aunt... she was killed. So were Tom's parents, and his brothers."

Hunter had sensed that Jim needed that personal space. So that is why he is not reaching out either. Just more of a presence. A reminder that he is there.

His eyes widen when Jim speaks about the colonists that were killed. "If you were both on the list... how did you avoid being killed?"

He doesn't enter a flashback, but that was part of the horrible montage that greeted him on awakening this morning. Jim looks down at his hands, unable to make eye contact while he recounts the events of thirteen years ago. "My aunt shielded me, so when she fell, I was underneath her... I played dead until I could get away." He shakes his head, still not looking up. "I never asked Tom what happened. But when I found him, he'd been shot in the face. I guess the guards figured he wasn't going to make it, so why waste another shot."

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