losthunter | Thorn in the Garden of Life

"Fuck..." Jim drops to his knees, much as he did the day that this happened, and presses his hands against his eyes, as if it could block out the memories. "This curse sucks." It's a massive understatement, and not quite enough to let him look like he's okay. This shit hurts, gouging deep every time a bad memory comes to the surface, like sliding a knife in between his ribs.

Hunter cautiously moves towards Jim. He feels close to tears himself, hating seeing Jim like this. And when he gets close enough, he places his hand on Jim' shoulder, to show his support.

"I'm so sorry Jim. I hate that you have to go through this."

The hand on his shoulder is so much like what Jim did to Spock, that day. Not in comfort, but needing the support and stability of his first officer and friend so he wouldn't fall apart. This time, it's Jim on the receiving end of it, and he doesn't know if Hunter is taking the same support from the touch as he had.

"It was Daystrom this time," he says, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The place where Admiral Pike died.

In a way, Hunter is both giving and seeking support. He needs to know that Jim is okay. That they will be okay.

Hearing what memory that Jim relieved has Hunter shaking slightly.

"Oh Jim..." He moves closer to wrap the other man in a tight embrace.

Jim holds tight to Hunter, taking what little comfort he can, right now. There's nothing that either of them can say to make it hurt any less, but he appreciates that he's not alone right now.

It takes a few minutes before he has the presence of mind to ask. "Did I... do any damage this time?"

"No. Fortunately, Hermione had warded the exits... you almost headed out the balcony door." And that would have been horrible, if Jim had taken the wrong step outside on the balcony.

"You threw a paint brush at me. But I wasn't hit."

Thank fuck for magic. The thought that he might've accidentally killed himself in the grips of a flashback sends a shiver down his spine.

"It was a phaser rifle..." A paintbrush, apparently. At least it was a much more harmless thing to throw, this time.

"You know... I never even thought about what we are going to do about sleep." Hunter fears that the memories will come more frequently, once Jim tries to let his mind relax. He is already struggling so much, dealing with the ones that are coming. And they are so erratic.

Jim is still reeling a bit from the trauma of the relived memory, but even that gets his attention, and it helps a little to have a problem to focus on. He rubs at his eyes, wiping away the dampness that isn't quite tears.

"I hadn't thought about that either..."

"I want you to try to get some rest..." Hunter insists. Jim's mind and body is going through a lot, reliving these memories.

"I have worked through long art sessions before. It would be best, if I stayed alert and ready to handle anything else that happens."

"You need rest too," Jim protests, but he's still pretty shaken.

He doesn't really know what their options are. Or even if he'll be able to get any sleep tonight. He has a bad track record with sleep aids, but if the alternative is him possibly hurting himself or Hunter while the nightmares control him, maybe that's worth another try.

"Maybe we could knock me out somehow."

"And I will crash hard, when you are better..." Hunter has done this sort of thing before, where he gets caught up in finishing an art project. But he understands (and appreciates) Jim's concern for him.

"Oh God..." He pales slightly thinking about knocking Jim out. "I don't think I could... how would we do that?"

Jim is momentarily alarmed, before he realizes how that sounded. "I meant with drugs," he says quickly, before Hunter's imagination goes to darker places. "Sleeping pills or something."

"Oh!" Hunter takes a moment to let that thought absorb in his mind.

"I don't have any sleeping pills here. And I don't want to leave you alone."

"No, probably not." While in theory, Hunter could probably lock him up for the time it would take to go and find some kind of sedative, the idea of being alone with his own thoughts is more disturbing than usual right now.

"And I... I really don't like the idea of having to drug you. It is bad enough that we have a place to lock you up... I don't really know if I could do that." Hunter runs both hands over his head this time.

"It reminds me too much of that first couple of months with Lindy. How I treated her, because I was just so desperate to end my curse."

"And I really don't want to treat you... like a captive."

"Hunter..." Jim understands his concerns. He really does. There are no easy solutions, no good answers. But he has nightmares all the time, even without a curse dredging up the worst his memories have to offer. It just doesn't seem likely that he'll be able to sleep through the night normally. Or maybe at all.

"I just... I don't want to hurt you."

Hunter wants to protest that Jim could never hurt him. But they already had a couple of close calls. And it pains him that he can't get through to Jim, when he is having a flashback.

"I will message Hermione. Maybe she can send us something." He sounds defeated. But they don't have any other solutions.

"We'll figure something out." Jim isn't entirely certain of that, but it's all he can say. It's just for two days, give or take... how long has it even been? He's lost track.

A few moments after Hunter sends his message to Hermione, she sends him two bottles of a purple potion over his PINpoint. There is a long letter included with the bottles.

"Looks like she wants us to be informed on what this does..." Hunter picks up the letter. "Hello. These bottles both contain a Sleeping Draught, which you might find useful. Please note that as soon as Jim drinks the Sleeping Draught, he will immediately feel tired and want to go to sleep. Here are some simple guidelines to follow."

"First, make sure you are ready for bed, before drinking the Sleeping Draught. Make sure that you eat one hour before taking the potion. Make sure that you go to the bathroom 10 minutes before taking the potion."

"The Sleeping Draught is designed to give you a dreamless sleep. We are hopeful that this will mean Jim won't suffer any flashbacks, and will just sleep. He might have a flashback upon awakening, so please make sure you are watching for that. We have provided you with two, so you can sleep twice within the two days that this curse will last. Please ensure that the second is taken roughly the same time of day, on the second day, that you took the first."

"I hope this helps. Love Hermione." Hunter glances at Jim, to see if he has any questions.

Jim wants to pick up one of the potions to get a closer look at it, but the last time he was holding something he ended up hurling it across the room, so he doesn't. "We talked about this kind of potion before once," he says instead, and he really hopes it doesn't come with the sort of drawbacks that he had with conventional sleep aids in the past. "I wouldn't use it long term, but... it's only two days."

"And we are only going to use it, so we both can sleep." Hunter doesn't like that they have to resort to this. But what other option do they have?

Jim nods, also uneasy about it. Sleeping is one thing. Being forced unconscious is another. And while he feels that this might be one of the safer places to allow himself to be so fully knocked out for the night, it still goes against his survival instincts. If something were to happen, and he's unable to wake up... At least Hunter is here to keep him out of danger.

"I think we probably shouldn't share a bed," Jim suggests, reluctant to say it. While another person might be a comfort, if the potion doesn't work quite as expected, he would be horrified if he woke to find he'd strangled Hunter in his sleep or something.

Hunter doesn't quite manage hiding the hurt and guilt from appearing on his face, when Jim mentions that they shouldn't share a bed right now. He knows it is because of a good reason. That Jim doesn't want to hurt Hunter accidentally. But it still sucks that he can't even give Jim that physically contact, and support, while he sleeps.

"I can move things around, so I can sleep nearby, while you take the bed." He is used to sleeping on random furniture.

Jim doesn't miss seeing the look on Hunter's face, which makes him feel even worse about the whole thing. "I'd like that... Having you in the room is way better than being alone."

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