losthunter | Thorn in the Garden of Life

"I've got a lot of them, too," Jim says, his voice muffled against Hunter's shoulder. Of all the curses he could've been hit by, this is possibly the worst.

He's still shaken up, but he pulls away, trying once again to recover his composure. He doesn't feel right without the weight of the knife against his ankle, but holy shit, it is not worth the small comfort it brings. At least he has the ration bars on him.

It makes Hunter angry to think that Austin had wanted Jim to be swallowed by his dark memories. To have his mind waste away into the flashbacks.

"Please Hermione. If there is something we can do. Someway I can share his pain..." Hunter feels almost desperate. Jim was able to break Hunter from his curse. And he now feels helpless.

Especially when Jim pulls away. He knows that Jim needs to regain his own senses. But it still makes him feel like there is nothing he can do.

"I'm sorry Hunter. I am not skilled with Legilimency. The last time I used that magic on a non-magical mind..." Hermione took a breath. "My parents don't remember me anymore because of how I broke their memories. I don't dare to do anything like that to Jim. I don't want him to forget us..."

"Fuck..." Hunter wishes he had a punching bag right now.

Jim wants to reassure Hunter that it's fine, that he can get through this okay, but he honestly doesn't know if that's true. There is one thing that he knows, though. "I don't want anyone tampering with my memories. They're shitty and awful, but they're mine. I wouldn't be me without them."

Despite the traumas he's been through, he wouldn't be Jim Kirk without them. Even the other Jim, the one from old Spock's timeline, had to suffer through Tarsus IV. It'd be a comfort that it's something they share, if not for how awful the entire ordeal was.

"Okay. I have locked up everything that I thought could be used as a weapon. There is a spell preventing either of you access to the items." Hermione depends on her logic to help get through the situation. "I have warded your shower, Hunter, as a place you can take Jim if he reacts in a way, that has to have him confined until the memory is gone."

"I will available if you need me," Hermione tells Hunter. She feels that it is best if there is one less person around to witness Jim's dark secrets.

The shower? Really? Jim does suppose that's probably the space where he can do the least harm, but still.

In any case, having all the sharp objects and various other potential weapons locked up is a good idea, no matter how much it reminds him of suicide watch protocols. And he definitely wants as few witnesses as possible. One person is more than enough; he doesn't want to be entirely alone, with only his darkest memories for company, but he also wants to keep his suffering as private as he can.

It helps a little that Hunter already knows that Jim was on Tarsus. He may not know what it means, not fully, but Jim won't need to reveal anything classified. The important part of the secret is that Jim was there in the first place.

Either way, he returns to the kitchen area to get a proper glass of water this time, both because of the aftereffects of the flashbacks, and because he needs something to do with his hands. Something not involving a knife.

Hunter thanks Hermione for her help, from both of them. He knows it is not the solutions that they had wanted, but at least they have some answers.

And then she is gone, and it is just the two of them.

Hunter feels a little restless. He sends a detailed message to his father, about how dangerous the suspect who tried to attack him was. Perhaps he can get Austin on a most-wanted list.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you."

It's been a while since Jim has really thought about how great it is to have unlimited clean water on demand. He fills the glass to the brim, before turning back to face Hunter again. "Me too. It's not your fault though."

If Jim doesn't get to blame himself, Hunter doesn't either.

"Maybe there is something we can to do, to distract your mind?" Hunter is open to suggestions.

"I don't know..." Jim takes a drink from his glass, still kind of freaked out and nervous. "I feel like I owe you an explanation."

Hunter moves a chair closer to the counter, where he can sit down. "You feel that you can get through an explanation, right now?"

"Maybe not. It's a long story." It's not even a story that Jim wants to tell, mostly because he doesn't want to think about it. But he doesn't have a choice about that, anymore, and he did try to kill Hunter.

But Hunter does have a point. With as often as he's already triggered flashbacks, it seems unlikely at best that he'll be able to get through it uninterrupted.

"I would be more than willing to listen to your story, when we don't have to worry about you spacing out on me again." Hunter can see that it weighs heavily on Jim's mind right now. And it is no wonder why.

"I don't know if your flashbacks are triggered by anything... but if we could avoid the triggers, then even better."

"I don't know if that's possible." Jim appreciates the thought, but he has to be honest. He's dangerous, right now. And he doesn't want Hunter to be unprepared. "We can try, but I don't know."

"I would do anything if it meant you didn't have to go through another flashback." Hunter rests his head in his hands for a moment.

"I know. Me too." Jim's body language is uncharacteristically uncertain. This is even touchier than the time he got LOLed. At least then, he was only talking about it.

"I don't think a movie is a good idea," he says, not quite sure.

"No. Definitely not a good idea."

Hunter doesn't have any suggestions for a distraction right now. He is a little afraid that Jim might go overboard, if he offers him lunch. And he is not sure that the hot tub would be relaxing.

"Maybe, try to focus on a good memory?"

Jim isn't sure if that'll work, and especially not if he has to keep it up for two days. But it's worth a shot.

And that means having to come up with a good memory to even focus on in the first place. "Our roadtrip was nice," he says, a little hesitant. It's been a while since their journey across Iowa, but it's still a treasured day in Jim's memories.

"It definitely was a great trip." Hunter smiles. "I really enjoyed getting my bike out on the road. Just listening to it roar. And seeing some of the people's attention on my bike was very flattering."

"We should plan another one." Maybe by focusing on future plans, they can avoid any more flashbacks. "I have always want to do a bike tour through the Rocky Mountains."

So far, so good... Jim can't quite relax though, not when he knows that the curse might trigger another flashback at any moment. He leans against the counter, forcing himself to act casual, sipping at his water. "Why the Rockies?"

"The scenery has a lot of appeal." Hunter grins. "And there are a lot of amazing sights in the mountains. And maybe we can go hiking. Or go camping."

"Plus, it would be cool to see the geysers or the hot springs."

"I haven't done any camping in the Rockies before," Jim says, and maybe that's what makes this topic safe, for now. "I've done Yosemite, but there aren't any geysers or anything."

[Does the curse give Jim memory flashes of good times too, or just the bad ones? Figure just the bad ones makes sense, but thought I should ask. :P]

"I sort of feel a little closer to the stars, when I am in the mountains." Hunter's world doesn't have space travel, like Jim's does. But Hunter is fascinated by the constellations. And would enjoy seeing the Northern Lights.

[I think there could be one or two good memories. It would be the charms in his jacket working against the dark magic. To give his mind a brief break]

He smiles slightly, glad that this subject hasn't dug up any darker memories as of yet. "I don't know if we'll have the chance to take any kind of long trip like that before we ship out, but maybe after the mission, I could take some time off."

Hunter smiles. He is glad to hear that Jim would like to make plans with him, that would not happen for five years.

"I might take a few camping trips out there while you are gone. Stare up at the stars, and wonder where you are exploring."

Romantic and sweet of him, like always. "That's the sort of thing that inspires poetry, isn't it?" Jim's never written any himself, but he's sure read his fair share.

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